this will be my new home!

i've lost many homes,

and many places where i stayed

for a month or a week

or maybe a few days!

but this, this will be mine...

and Nobody will take it away from me!

 

SO BE WARNED^^

 

if you wanne read what i write its okay,,

enjoy it, and be yourself!!

cause there is a home for...!!

 

Brokenhearted

 

Hi i guess^^

 

Dont know where to start writing ...

i guess i can start about a few months ago....

but i can also start writing about just a little month ago...

its just want i wanted... want i needed to tell...

maybe nobody will ever read it...

but maybe to many will...

so i suppose ill start with a lovely intro, a lovely song^^

 

 

i know this song means a lot to me...

but what would it say to you

could it also speak to your heart

or is life going so sweet flowing around you

and is it just all about you and your perfect life

cant you see whats all around you

cant you feel the pain in the eyes of your own neighbours?

what will happen next?

what will happen when its not so smoothy anymore

would you than blame the world for your own stupidity

or maybe not your own, but the worlds one^^

like you have to make your own happyness

i dont believe in it

i do believe that you can change your own life

thats a part of you that can make your life better

but not because of me, of because of you

its just all because of Jesus

 

 i know life can be hard  and mean

dont tell me that life is perfect cause it isnt not yet

but it will be when Jesus is coming home...

anyway i even dont know why my dad has cancer

or why i almost died in a car accident

or why life can hurt that bad

but i do know that there is something so much more beautiful and the END OF LIFE^^

and the beginning of ETERNAL LIFE^^

hope this all say enough about me and my freaking life for now...

 

Brokenhearted xDxD

 

i'm not the one i used to be

 

there is no one else like me

there is no one else

who knows me now

there is just now one else

 

i'm not the one to blame for this

i'm not the one who's so afraid for life

i'm not the one who wanted to know

i'm just not the one for all of this

 

finigers are frozen to dead

hearts are bleeding untill you cant see

words are falling apart cause nobody listen

whats happening next

 

untill you see

untill you hear

untill you feel

untill that day

 

i will wait

wait for another day

wait for a little more patient

waiting for something better

 

what does it mean that you can fight

what does it mean that you can listen

what does it mean at all

when nobody use it at all...

 

brokenheart xDxD

 

 

 

i dont know where to start writing, cause its just so hugh

and maybe, maybe you cant believe

cause it it so awfull, maybe it sounds so fake for you

but for me, for me it is all so real so painfully real

Ohw my God what do i have to do...

 

whell let i start with writing it all down and maybe

maybe that you dan will understand a part of my life right now

 

My family is kinda a broken in pieces...

maybe you know that my parents divorced several years ago

but that, thats not the worst part of it

cause so many parents are divorcing right away

for me, maybe for all of use it was the best dissicion that my dad leaves use all

but whatever thats soo long ago thats not whats bothering me know

so whe live all with my mom right now,

that means my little brothers,

my little sis, and my big sis (she leaves there only in the weekends)

and i, i live in the neighbour on my own i kinda love that =)

but yeah my little bross and my little sis are so hard to understand

there always picking at my mom

or yelling at her, it is so awfull (somethimes they hit her)

its like she is the wrong and bad witch or something

and thats so untrue cause she is soo sweet and she means the best for all of use..

its breaking my heart, its feels like a prison in my own family

wich way do i have to go

for who do i have to choice?

i dont wanne choice...

when is it to late for all of them...

and when will my mom say its enough, go away from me...

i willl never see you again...

i dont know when thats going to happen... i'm so afraid.

wished you could see what i mean

wished you could feel what i feel right away

wished... ohww i wished...

it was all over right away...!!

I just believed n a lie....

 

i just believed

that whe where friends

that it was okay

just to be me

 

unless unless

now ill just know

that it wasnt enough

not for you

 

i'm so sorry

for disapointing you

but now i just think

it wasnt my fault at all

 

you had to be honest

you had to be true

you had to be real

you just had to be

 

but you wasnt

and now i see

the truth behind it all

i'm just sick of it

 

sick of it all

i just cant believe

you did this

you just did this to me

 

i just dont know why

i was honest all the time

but know i'm asking myself

why?

 

brokenheartedxDxD

 

 

I really love this song

i know its a part of me

it always will be a part of me

everyone has speciale songs

that are written down in their hearts!

i dont know if this one is one of mine!

but ill really know that there are so many songs

that are connecting with my soul

cause he or she found a way to describe their feelings

and this, this is my way to do it

 

brokenhearted xDxD

I can feel it

 

it is all around me

the sickness

in my head

in my body

 

i just cant controle it

how long will it take

to winn this battle

how long will it take

 

my head is punching

i dont know where to go

who would understand

that i'm dying all along

 

you cant see the sickness

in my body

but it is all in my bones

is it too late

 

when would I be reborn

when would I be better

when would life be perfect

when would it all end

 

I'm waiting for another day

when my body dont hurt

when i'm not alone

when i feel so much better

 

how is it possible

that i'm just still alive

i just dont understand

it just hurts so much everywhere

 

please kill the pain

inside of my body

inside of me

inside of my heart

 

when is late

to late

when will it

all end

 

brokenhearted xDxD

How many times

 

how many times

did I write my letter

to saygoodbye

to say I loved them all

 

how many times

did I think about the dead

how you can do it

just kill yourself

 

how many times

have I hurt myself

even hard enough

to see the blood on my arms

 

how many times

did i try to stop eating

just because i needed it

because of perfectness

 

how many times

did I scream out loud

just to let the  pain flow away

to help me go on

 

how many times

did I cried until i slept

just hoping for a better day

and hopefully a better life

 

why is is so hard

to go on with life

when your heart is crying

and your dying inside

 

how must it end

with my life

my heart

me

 

God please help me!

 

brokenhearted xDxD

 

 

I'm stil at the same old place

 

i'm stil here

just without words

without a heart

without feelings

 

i'm so sick

i wished i was really sick

so that i could stay at home

all day long all alone

 

but i have no choice

i have to work

i have to go to school

where did it all went wrong

 

i believed in him

and i trusted him

i thought he loved me

but no i'm afraid

 

i just dont know

did he lie?

did he pretend?

was it a stupid joke?

 

i'm not sure

i'm really not sure

please can you kill me

please set me free

 

please,  please, please

why did it hurt that much

why did it all went wrong again

why, why, why...?

 

i just dont know...

 

Broken hearted xDxD